Little White Hairs

We all go through changes in our lives, some noticeable, others not so much. Recently I've noticed a change in my life. As I reflected upon it, I came to realize it transcends the physical appearance of little white hairs.

This photo shows me after a week of abstinence from the razor. Not very impressive, I know, but notice the chin area. This is certainly one of the motivators that helps me keep my face smooth. Ruggedly smooth, of course. Anyway, I can't really grow facial hair and when I do now it comes out white, which is not my natural hair color.

Although related, these are not the little white hairs of which I write. No, the hairs I noticed that caused me to reflect upon the change in my life come from a little brown and white Jack Russell Terrier that now shares our home.

It happened one day last week as I was sitting in a training class and looked down at my black fleece jacket. It had little white hairs on the front of it. I tried to brush and pick a few off but then I thought, 'aw, fuggetaboutit' because I'm a dog owner again. And with that subtle thought manifests the change in my life.

I used to care about little things like dog hairs on my coat, or my couch, or the floor, etc. I used to be controlling and restrictive, protective of the hygenic sanctity of my house. But just like parents with second and subsequent children, the protectiveness gets old when you realize no matter how controlling you are, kids will get hurt sometimes. I realized that things will have little white hairs on them and I can't stop that.

My thought is that it boils down to love. The apostle Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 13 that love is patient, love is kind...it does not insist on its own way. Although she's only been in our house a relatively short time, Allie has become part of the family, and I love her. Because of that I choose to put up with her quirks, her transgressions (although I wish they would've happened on the tile and not the carpet), and her little white hairs everywhere. She's a dog, and I can do things to modify her behavior, but not her personality or instincts. I accept my lack of control and choose to love her by not insisting on having my way.

Perhaps the little white hairs on my chin are part of the new normal in my life. In fact, I know they are. As I have aged and matured, (for the two are not always equated), I have grown to realize that all of our relationships should be governed by the rule of love. Those things that were once annoyances, such as hairs everywhere, can be seen as sharing our lives in love. I really don't want to shed on you or vice versa, but when it happens unintentionally it shows that we have a relationship that is close enough that a part of us is left with the other long after our last contact. When we notice these pieces of each other in our lives it is then our choice to either brush them off or accept them with love as the gifts they are.

Resolutions and Authority

Where did this whole resolution thing come from? My New Year's resolution is...(insert your own here). The only one I made this year was to read through the whole Bible again. I did it every year for several years, but with the class load at seminary and other things going on, I have not done it the last two. So in 2010, I will read the whole Bible again.

I also wanted to make some about writing, like posting here at least bi-weekly. This Friday is payday, reminding me that it is a "bi-week," so I find myself here writing about resolutions. Not that writing here is a resolution, mind you, but it is something I would like to do. If I resolved to write regularly, you might hold me accountable.

After the past two days at work, I wish more people had resolved to respect authority. Each day this week I have stopped violators who were not only driving unsafely with their children in their car, but showed very little respect for my uh-thor-eh-tah. As I see it, their attitude, words, and behavior towards me (for no other offense to them than doing my job), taught their children the following two lessons.

First, it is okay to disrespect authority. I wear symbols of the authority given to me all over my work clothes. It is very clear that I am the sword bearer of Romans 13:4. In spite of this, the aforementioned violators found it acceptable to challenge me, be rude and insulting to me, and go so far as to call me a liar and a hypocrite (although not with those exact words). Remember, they had their children in the car with them. Impressionable children who were watching and absorbing the whole incident.

The second lesson being taught, although probably not as clear as the first, is that it is okay to break the law "a little bit." The gist of the violator's argument was that yes, they were driving over the posted speed limit, but not as fast as I said they were driving. And didn't I have better things to do than hassle them for speeding a little bit?

I can only hope that justice will be done in these families. Not Godly justice, or even social justice, but my own brand of sweet ironic justice. In a few years, when the children who observed their parents act this way toward me rebel against mom in the same disrespectful and relativistic manner, mom will call for help with "an out of control teenager." God willing I will be the one to respond. Then I can listen to the violator turned victim's complaint and offer these words of advice. "Gee mom, don't you have better things to do than hassle your teenage son? I think you're exaggerating things after all. I mean, he probably only smoked a little pot and his girlfriend is only a little pregnant. Maybe if you had set a better example for him we all wouldn't be here meeting again."

I know, and I apologize. This is not what Jesus would have done. However, this type of rambling ranting does keep me sane and healthy by venting off the toxic feelings that build up inside of me from work. Maybe I should resolve to be a better testimony to the greatness of Jesus Christ. If I did, would you hold me accountable for that?

Rough Day but I'm Better Now

Some days are just like today. If upon waking up this morning I was told what I would go through, I would probably just as soon go back to sleep or at least pretend to. It's not like it was anything traumatic, in fact all it boils down to is being told by two different sources that my best wasn't good enough for them.



Now, I can't say why other people's opinions mattered so much that it grieved me to be told that, but I can say that it did. It may be that outside confirmation of my inward assessment of mediocrity was too much to bear. I strive for excellence in all that I do but I also do too much. There is a point where quantity affects quality and I seem to have passed that tipping point.

Oh well. Life goes on. Tomorrow's another day and I'm pretty sure it won't be like today. That's the gift God has given us, the promise of tomorrow. Whether it is tomorrow here in this life, which at least has the possibility of being better than today; or the eternal tomorrow in heaven with Him, which will be better than today.

CrossRoads

I have begun leading a Sundy night gathering called CrossRoads. It is alternately for young adults or college age people or 20 and 30 somethings or 18-35 year-olds, depending on who you ask or who I'm talking to. Ultimately, everyone is welcome, and so far everyone who has come has enjoyed it. The age range of attenders so far is 2 to 50 something. It leans more toward and emergent gathering and away from a traditional church service.

For me it is fun, exciting, energizing, a lot of work, and all about God. We are going through the seven signs of John's gospel, so it is definately drawing me closer to Jesus. It is also an exercise of my faith. CrossRoads is one of those things that has been in my heart for so long that to finally be able to do it feels so right, even challenges and set-backs don't affect me. I have no worries about it, I just do what I feel God has called me to do. That is a great place to be - doing the good works that God prepared for us in advance (Ephesians 2:10).

Catch-up

I have been motivated to blog lately, probably because I am supposed to be writing other things. Nevertheless, here I am. Days and weeks and months have gone by. I have been in touch with some of my Army buddies again, thanks to Facebook. Life goes on, school goes on, work goes on.

I started preaching, thanks to the preaching class I recently finished. My first non-graded sermon was at our church's family camp last month. Next week I will start speaking every week at a new Sunday night service called CrossRoads. I will have to write about CrossRoads at some point, and the amazing way God led me to it, but not tonight.

This is just a short catch-up, stretch the old blogging muscles type of exercise. The funniest thing I learned last week was that it does not profit a man to have a theological discussion with an intoxicated person of another faith group. It is probably not profitable to have any meaningful discussion with an intoxicated person, but these are some of the people God puts in my life.

Catch Up

Well I've been home for three months now, and things are going well. Since I returned home from the Army I've finished a semester at Liberty Theological Seminary, bought one used and one new bike for myself, and new bikes for Becky and Chance. I rode in the Chico Wildflower century ride. I have learned how better to share my faith and shared it with several people.

I have not been in touch with my Army buddies as much as I'd like, but I have spoken with a couple of them. Right now I tell people my job in the Army is just to finish school, which I am working on diligently.

Sad to say, that pretty much sums up the last three months. I guess that is good, or at least is better than tons of trials and drama.

Warrior Priest

Okay, so I am not a priest as most people would think of. I am however, part of the "royal priesthood" chosen so that I may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called me out of darkness into His marvelous light (1 Peter 2:9). Remember the posting on calling? If not, feel free to look it up in the archive. I am also now a warrior, having earned the privilege of wearing the Army beret by completing my initial military training today. Whew! I don't know about ya'll but there were some times I wondered if I would make it this far.
Tonight as we drove back to base after dinner, I leaned my head against the back of the seat, closed my eyes and said, "Wake me up when we're back at the hooch." My battle buddy said, "It's only 6:30." It sure felt a lot later. Of course by then I had been up for fourteen hours, been on the champion Ultimate Frisbee team (undefeated of course), marched, laughed, talked, donned berets, gotten a haircut (high and tight, although the lady thought I said "middle-aged" I am still a bit of a low-talker), registered for Spring classes at seminary, talked on the phone to my wife, changed clothes, gone shopping and eaten dinner. I am afraid of going to bed early tonight because I get to sleep in tomorrow and I don't want to spoil it.
Back home, my grandma is in the hospital, as is my mother-in-law. My wife is leaving the kids with my mom to go up and visit her mom. She asked me for my take on these things happening at home while I am away. The short answer I gave her is to trust in God's sovereignty and know that He never allows us to suffer more than we can handle. I also know that "The Lord also will be a stronghold for the oppressed, A stronghold in times of trouble." (Psalm 9:9)
I know this because I heard the confidence in my wife's voice. Yes, family was sick and dying. Yes, the car needed some maintenance for the trip. Yes, I was 3,000 miles away and unable to do anything to help. And also yes, my wife was taking care of things and being a strong, confident single parent. I hope she saves some honey-do's for me so that when I get back in two weeks I won't feel unnecessary, like a spare-tire on a ship.
In two short weeks I will be done here, at least for the time being, and back home in California. I can hardly wait to see my wife and kids and family and friends again. I have made many new friends here and learned a bit about the Army and a lot about myself, but the count-down has begun and I am in the home stretch, literally.

Halfway Home

This past week was very long but I can't believe it is over already. We had many long days of some very strenuous physical activity, as well as some hurry up and waiting. One of the things at which I constantly marvel is this group of people who have been called into this ministry. There are several observations I would like to make on this topic.


First, if there wasn't some higher power driving them to be here and become Army chaplains I doubt they would be sticking it out, myself included. Although this training is not boot camp, it can be a rude awakening to military life for those who have no prior military training and are used to running their own lives and not placing a large organization like the Army before themselves.


That being said, the second point is that I have never been in a group this large going through so many trials together that has maintained such a positive attitude. We are all Christians in this class, with a minority from high church traditions and the majority of us being protestant. Under-represented faith groups are Catholic, Jewish, Islamic and Buddist chaplains, so if you know anyone of those persuations, please let them know the Army needs them. There have been numerous times when the opportunity presented itself to whine, complain and moan about the training or about waiting, but instead everyone has maintained a positive attitude, helping and encouraging others. We have also spent the down time getting to know each other and seeking to further understand our different faith traditions. Contrary to what the world may be like, this has been an environment of tolerance and respect. Instead of heated arguments about beliefs, there has been open discussion. I have not heard division, but rather strengthening of one's own personal faith. When we "agree to disagree" about an issue, we seek instead common ground. Ultimately, that ends up being our belief in the one true God.

Finally, in spite our our commonality there is much diversity in backgrounds, cultures, and personalities. That makes for a lot of fun. It also makes for a stronger unity not in spite of, but because of the diversity. We are many people serving one God and one Country.

So this past week I had many new experiences. I did some things I did not think I would ever do and learned some things I wish I would have known long ago. There is no need to go into details about the training, but I will say that tracers look cool at night when they fly over your head.

This next week is the last of our initial training. Sadly, some of my comrades will be going home at the end, as they are only here for part of the class. I still have two more weeks after that until I get to go home to my beautiful wife and my kids that I miss so much. Other folks are staying even longer to complete the whole course, after which some of them will be going "downrange" with their units. Please pray for those chaplains who will be going into harms way to bring God's message of hope to our soldiers in combat zones. While here I have made many new friends and comrades in ministry (we don't bear arms). God willing at the end of the week we will all have earned the right to wear the black Army beret and will proudly call ourselves Soldiers of God (ask me to sing the song for you sometime).

Sorry for the intermittancy and vagueness of these postings. It is really not appropriate to give detailed accounts of military training, but if you ask me when I see you face to face, I can tell you some pretty good stories. Some of the names may have to be changed, but the humor will still be there.

Please keep the cards, letters, emails, packages, and small unmarked bills, etc. coming. They are greatly appreciated. See you in a few weeks when I am all the way home.

Time Flies

Well, let me take care of some housekeeping issues first. You may notice the layout has changed. I received some feedback that the previous layout was challenging to read, so I am back to the original black and white. Thank you all for your comments and well-wishing.

My status: I am tired and sore, my eyes are burning right now and will be more so tomorrow. My room has a nice view of a grove of pine trees, although I have only seen it twice since being here. It is dark in the morning when I leave and dark at night when I get back to the room. I am eating healthier and burning more calories than I am taking in. Did I mention that I am tired?

I have come to realize that most of the things I did not like about the military 20 years ago I still don't like, but I have a different perspective on them now. Then I was just trying to get through them, now I am experiencing them in order to have some common ground with the soldiers to whom I will be ministering. It is also easier the second time around, knowing what to expect and not having a drill instructor yell at me all the time.

I am constantly amazed at the people God has called to this profession. The cadre at the school are some of the most professional people I have ever met, especially the sergeants in charge of training us. The sergeants' job is to train us chaplains (and chaplain candidates like myself) to survive combat and be able to minister to the soldiers. They take their job very seriously, and are all committed to God and Country. That said, fun time is over, but the party is just beginning. Don't be late, be squared away, and help your battle buddy out. Hooah!

And speaking of people from the past, (I know, very rough segue), I ran into a guy who used to work for Roseville PD a few years ago, before being recalled to active duty in the Army. He is now a sergeant first class and in charge of one of the ranges here at Fort Jackson. Small world, huh?

Well, I've got to get ready for tomorrow's activities so good night everyone, and please keep me in your thoughts and prayers.

It's Only Been Three Days...

My flight Friday night was delayed almost two hours, to the point that the airline booked me on another airline out of Dallas, since I was going to miss my connection there. So after flying all night, (or so it seemed, we left Sacramento around 2AM), I ended up running around the Dallas/Fort Worth airport, missing my original flight by about 10 minutes but making the new flight just barely - I was the second to last person on the plane. They were boarding stand-by passengers when I got to the gate. I flew from there to Charlotte, NC and then to Columbia, SC. Of course my bag with all of my uniforms was hours behind me on a plane from the original airline. I finally received it yesterday afternoon, thankfully.

So I was about 45 minutes late for the first briefing, but since I called ahead the Army was gracious and it was okay. Since Sunday afternoon it has been non-stop in-processing, paperwork, issuing of gear and learning about the Army. It has been very tiring but also very encouraging, as the men and women that have been working with us newbies are some of the most professional and squared-away people I have ever met.

That's it. Tomorrow starts very early. TTFN.

And I'm Off

So, it has finally set in - I will be gone for six weeks beginning in just a few hours. I leave at 0035 on the red-eye to fly back to Fort Jackson, SC for my initial military training in the Army. I am nervous, excited, scared, melancholy at the thought of leaving my wife and kids. I miss them already and they are right here with me.

I walked around all day today in a fog as I thought about leaving. "Am I forgetting anything? This is the last time for six weeks that I will walk on my new patio. Last night was the last time I will get to put my kids to bed for six weeks. Did I take care of everything so it will be easier on Becky?" I just pray that it all goes well while I am gone.

I am excited to be doing this because I see the tremendous spiritual growth ahead. There is absolutely no way I could do this on my own. I am completely relying on God to get me through this training and I trust that He will.

So for this New Year, I hope and pray that all who read this will be safe and happy, and know the peace that comes from knowing God. Happy New Year and God Bless!

Happy New Year

Well, here is the third and final post of 2007. It is New Year's Eve and I am getting ready to go to bed, an hour before the New Year. I must be getting old. Or maybe it is the fact that I was up at 0500 this morning exercising, trying to get into the routine that will be my life for six weeks beginning Monday morning.

As I thought about how to celebrate this New Year's Eve, I was comforted by the fact that since I now live in Roseville I would not hear gunshots or illegal fireworks at midnight if I stayed home and did nothing. That was enough incentive to have a family pizza and game night instead of going out.

And so, as my bed calls to me, I bid you a safe, healthy, prosperous, and blessed 2008. May God comfort you and give you strength. Happy New Year!

Calling

How do you explain calling to someone? Some people accept the statement, “I feel called to do this,” whereas others cannot grasp the concept. When the topic of my joining the Army as a Chaplain Candidate comes up in conversation, the two most frequently asked questions are, “Why?” and, “What does your wife think about it?” I will leave it to my wife to answer the second question, except to say that on my end she is the most faithful, supportive, and tolerant person I have ever known. I thank God everyday for bringing her in my life and giving her the strength to stay there.

As for the first question, the simple answer is I feel called into this role. Webster’s defines calling as “a strong inner urge or impulse” and “an occupation: a vocation.” Roget’s directs us from calling to business or vocation, and under vocation has “an inner urge to pursue an activity or perform a service: calling, mission.” Combining these two into my own definition, calling becomes an inner urge to pursue God’s plan for one’s life, i.e. do the good works that God prepared for us (Ephesians 2:10).

By the way, if you are not a Christian, or a student of the bible, the reference in parenthesis refers to a passage in the New Testament written by the Apostle Paul to the church at Ephesus in the first century. Feel free to take a bit of time and look up the passage in a bible or Google it. Just type in Ephesians 2:10 and click on one of the links.

Now, believe me when I say that becoming an Army Chaplain has not been my lifelong goal. I have had a passion for the military ever since I was a little boy. The military was central to the first books I read, the first games I played and the first toys I played with. I almost joined the Army out of High School but went into the Navy instead. When the war started in Afghanistan and Iraq, I used to read the news daily and watch the videos online of our troops fighting and dying over there. My heart, as they say, broke for the men and women of our armed forces. I am grateful to the sacrifices they made in service to their country.

Fast forward to a near-death experience in 2004 that made me consider what options outside of law enforcement were available to me and I eventually entered seminary with the motivation that whatever I did should have eternal impact. I was not sure what career if any I would end up in with a seminary degree, but I felt called to pursue one. As God worked on my heart that first year, I was drawn back to the thought of the military, and maybe becoming a chaplain there. However, further investigation revealed that I was too old for service.

Then in October 2006, I met Chaplain (MAJ) Harki and SFC Jenkins, Army chaplain recruiters. Times had changed and age limits had increased – I was eligible for the Army’s chaplain candidate program. After ten months of paperwork, waivers, medical exams, and an insane class load in the summer semester, I was commissioned as a Second Lieutenant in the Army Reserve. I have found that when doors are opened and you feel God calling you, it is best to step across the threshold in faith.

And thus, as briefly as I could manage, my calling to the Army Chaplaincy equals a passion for the military, combined with a love of God and the inner urge to do the works He has prepared for me. I am sure it still does not make sense to some people, and it certainly is not something I could have come up with myself. But that just makes me more confident that I am doing the right thing in trusting Him.

06.26.2007

I originally set up this blog after reading The Blog of War. I was in the process then of joining the Army Reserve as a Chaplain Candidate and so was doing some research. I liked the idea of blogging to keep those who may care informed about me. Last week I found out my application was accepted for the Army, (professionally qualified for the Chaplain Candidate program I believe the official wording was).

It seems like ever since then, bad things have been happening in my life. I don't know if these are spiritual attacks, or just trials I need to go through to improve my character. Today my wife's cat (she's never really been mine) died at the age of 18 years. This is very depressing, as the cat has been in my wife's life longer than I have. I actually miss the cat. I know there is a season for everything and we should have expected it sooner than later but loss is still a difficult thing to deal with.